THE HEART OF THE TORNADO/HORUS/RA
JOHN25
04/01/2009 13:08 where from the time we have the 13 or 31 combination and the 08, or the 31 08 number combination that Linda asked me about, and from the date we have an 04 and 01 or 41, and then from the year, we have 2 + 9 = 11 or then the 41 or 14 and 11 combination. The number combination of the date of my accident. And this the 25th letter, but from 25 we have the 2 which is an 1 + 1 or 11 and the 5 we have a 1 + 4 or 4 + 1 which gives the 11 and 14 or 11 and 41 combination again.
Dear JOHN
A long intro for a change again – hardly had one since the Lores. But always a first, a first with the John’s. This JOHN25 consist out of JOHN24 and JOHN20 and if you look at these two, they give the 24 and 20 or 24 + 20 = 44. And 44 is the number combination that is linked to the Hebrew Name of God that means “I will be revealed at ever greater levels”.
But here it come:
JOHN24
A HEART IN THE TALE
Dear John
Yes, like on the night of 30/12/2008 and morning hours of 31/12/2008, I made an hysterical drama Queen of myself again probably last night.
As the Sun was going down on the evening of 30/12/2008, my boss saw a snake entering the shed. And I have my home in the shed as well. So my boss said he saw a snake and I went to look and only saw the tail of the snake. But he couldn’t make out what kind of snake it was – except that it was about 1.5 meters long. So his wife came out, she is a psychologist and she handled the situation like only a psychologist can. She asked him if he can handle the situation? On which he replied: “no” and off he went into the house and closed the door. So she stood with me watching this tail of the snake and asked me if I am ok with it? Well, what could I have said? I said, yes, I can handle it and off she went after the husband, case resolved. Everybody that couldn’t deal with it are gone, the one who said she can deal with it, is sharing space with the snake.
Then I started thinking to myself, but if I have to get out at night time or even during the day and you do not know where in the shed this snake is or what kind of snake even it is – your mind (or mine for one), would just kill me and make me live in fear because of the unknown of this situation. You do not know what you are dealing with. So I phoned a friend that also stays on Cedar Peak and she came and as she came to the shed to come and check out this situation with me, some visitor arrived on Cedar Peak. And he was willing to take the “nets” that this snake was hiding in, away so we could observe this snake. But as he was taking the “nets” away, I heard this terrible “hissing” sound coming from this snake. And he heard it too and left everything and retreated. I knew there was trouble immediately. So he said that we should get the neighbor to come and shoot this snake, as it is an aggressive snake so it must be probably a cobra or something poisonous. It cannot stay in the shed and let alone with people moving around the shed and dogs and so on. Rather get rid of it – so get the neighbor and let him come and shoot the snake. But at that stage, even when I heard the “hissing” sound and realized but this is not a good sign, never it crossed my mind to kill the snake. I knew it had to be removed, but as far as possible from this place so it cannot come back to the shed. But if it can be relocated a 20 or 30 kilometers away, it might find a new home without being in someone’s shed and standing a chance then of getting shot.
So this drama Queen started the act. The people must have thought me Nuts to even think to relocate the snake. But luckily my friend started phoning a family member who works at the nature reserve close by and him and the ranger came to Cedar Peak. Meanwhile, my boss left me with the hysteria of sitting as far as about a meter from this snake in order to check it does not leave the place where we knew it was. So eventually the people from the nature conservation reserve arrived and they too thought me totally crazy to wanting to catch this snake (which they thought to be cobra) and relocate it. But I had my mind set on it and I was acting out a drama queen to get my needs fulfilled. So eventually they went off to their offices as they have got a list of the snake catchers there with telephone numbers. But the local guy in Porterville, did not want to come out to a farm so far off in the mountains to come and catch a poisonous snake from a shed. He thought to rather kill it instead too. I was surprised about this but I told them there is no way this snake is getting killed.
So eventually we received good news from the nature conservation reserve people that some snake catcher from Cape Town is on his way. This is now round about 21:00 on this night of 30/12/2008.
But I thought to myself. Well, if I must be a drama Queen, then let me be it properly. Let the whole of the Western Cape be up in arms because of a very aggressive poisonous snake that some hysterical so thought crazy woman wants saved out of a shed from a far off farm on top of the Cedar Mountains, just because she does not want it shot.
So the snake catcher came and caught the snake and he said he was going to release it on the N7 somewhere on his way back to Cape Town, where it cannot be in anybody’s way again. But according to him it was one of the smallest kinds of Cobra’s you get and they are very aggressive and very, very, poisonous. But on the morning of 31/12/2008, this snake was safely in her new environment and not shot. Yes, staying on a farm on the top of the Cedar Mountains and getting a snake catcher from the city of Cape Town in order to save the snake’s life because it went to make nest in a shed. That sounds a bit extreme, doesn’t it. But all I know is that the snake that wanted to nest in the shed, her heart is still beating in her tail and she is alive and well.
So last night, the drama Queen inside me came out again and I am starting to wonder if maybe I should not consider that maybe I am paranoid in some form or something? As I had a lot of work stress on Cedar Peak, and as I came home to come and rest, my boss’ dog is with me and I have to take care of him, but he was lying with me in my sleeping quarters but he was breathing very uneasily. Eventually I realized but I was worried about him this afternoon already with this same kind of breathing pattern I discovered with him. Something was not right. And I thought to myself, but there was a piece of meat that his people gave him earlier on the day that he did not eat. But I also knew he ate his food I gave him for his evening meal. So I thought to phone the vet. This guy asks me what his gums looks like and I look at it and I tell the vet what I see. And the vet tells me it sounds like respiratory problems. And I had to take him in it was decided eventually. But when I arrive there, this vet started off by telling me that he just want to give me a few lessons in emergency calls for vets/animals. You only go to the vet after hours, so it is only considered an emergency, if the dog is already dying. As the vet told me that emergency calls is only if the dog has been bitten by a snake (adder or cobra – but in which case the dog will not make it from Cedar Peak to the vet anyway, ridiculous I thought as why then bring the dog at all. But who am I, I am not the vet and the vet says you only bring the dog in an emergency – or then, when it is too late already for that matter) or have tic fever to such extend that the dog is on the brink of dying of this tic fever. Yeah, how must I know when is the hour of death for the dog if he has got tic fever. So if he has got tic fever (or when I discover this at night), I must wait until he is in his dying moments for it to be an emergency to take him the about 50 kilometers, via passes in the dark, to this vet who only work after hours for emergencies which he describe as an emergency is only when the dog is not going to make it (if you interpret his words that the dog must actually be dying before you take it to a vet after hours. And that only mean that the dog must be therefore in its dying moments before you may consider to take it to this town, Piketberg’s vet after hours).
So he examines the dog, and find that the dog is only suffering from the stress of the heat and therefore had respiratory problems. But this is nothing as the dog is not dying and especially it is not a snake bite or tic fever. So the dog did not get treated, instead it was declared: It is 100%!?
Now I am wondering what kind of an idiot I am? To take a healthy dog, which I am still worried about, to a vet after hours and you only take a dog to the vet after hours if it is in a state of dying already. And the words, “in a state of dying already”, imply that the dog is already therefore on its death path. So it will die. But I took an animal, who according to me is suffering still from the stress of the sun on his body and therefore the still respiratory problems, to someone who only treat dead animals. But I was only looking for a vet to treat this animal for his uncomfortableness. As this respiratory problem, whatever is causing it, is telling me he is uncomfortable. And the way he moved around during the night, I realized but he is very uncomfortable and I am an idiot! As I wanted him to be comfortable, but the vet only treats dead animals? What a ridiculous world – or am I only a drama queen who cannot take the suffering of animals? But according to the vet, I am only paranoid because I had a dog which had to be put down eventually as the vet my dog went to told me he was suffering severely and that it would be better to put him down and relieve him from his discomfort. And because of that, this vet now thinks I am paranoid and I am an idiot. And in this tale[s], it is only because of my heart that is telling me I cannot handle the discomfort of animals, that makes me this idiot and drama queen and probably been thought of as crazy!
But last night I said to myself – I do not want to go on. I felt I couldn’t go on anymore. I was finished with the stress of everything and this thing with the dog was just the last thing that made me felt this is not worth being here anymore. So I asked “The Creator” of Everything, to please relieve me of my duties and let me leave this human, mortal life. As I do not fit into it. And then, last night I had this dream:
I dreamt I was putting something back in a place and somebody called the “police” as they thought I was doing something wrong. But I knew I was not doing something wrong, I was only putting something back that needed to be replaced. Then this kind of police came and what happened after that I do not know, but somehow it got sorted out it seems as the next I knew was that my Father and Mother was in the picture. And my Mother then spoke to me, very nicely as if she wanted to approach me carefully. And her words to me was that they asked my cousin to help out, but she didn’t want to (and my thoughts in my dream was, I can understand why, as she does not have the qualifications to help out).
And that was what my parents – in specific my Mother, related to me in my dream. So I cannot be helped out, by someone or for that matter someone to take my place, as they asked someone but this one does not have the qualifications to do it. And I also remember there were someone sort of with me in the process of putting back something when I was sort of “caught”. And this person was in a terrible state of shock and was crying so much. But I just went on doing what I did – which is probably to want to go to the “NO-thing” or to stop existing. So my Mother tried to tell me nicely that I have to go on as this morning suddenly I have positive thoughts and strength again to go on. And suddenly I was given something to look forward to as well, or at least, something that makes my heart feel more at peace. I guess, what a Heart’s Tale?
Anyway
KIND REGARDS
03/01/2009 3:31PM or 15:31.
And…..
JOHN20
22/12/2008 8:38AM
MY WORK STRESS
Dear John
Maybe I am too concerned with the rules? As my job is stressing me out! But I feel I am getting paid and my head is asking me, but in relation to what money is worth today, what are you getting paid? As why do I feel so guilty? I am getting paid to do a job, that is the bottom line for me. Doesn’t matter it seems how much. I am just stressing out because I feel I am going to be some nuisance here. I do not belong here. And the only way for me to have some sense of belonging here, is to think: but I am working here, so the owner of the farm owns me. As he is paying me and
in return I pay him
back by working for him, belonging to him. So he is buying me, like he bought the pigs. But therefore I must live like he tells me to live? But where do you draw the line?
By not coping with the stress, I am feeling as if I am steeling from my boss who is giving me permission to be on the planet of the earth and my response is to just go back to the NO-thingness or to even become more than nothing, to become nothing. So it seems the way I feel stressed out, is that my only sense of belonging is if someone owns me. For no other matter do I have any rights on this planet or anywhere else? Not even to be here. I must just do what the contract with the owner of the farm – who bought the farm with money and now it is his farm, this piece of planet belongs to him, tells me to do. For other purposes I have got no rights. I belong to the one who bought me.
So by belonging to this owner of the farm, you are paying to be here in some way or form. You are paying to be! But it does not make sense, as
I am paying to be here, but I don’t even want to be here.
I am paying to be, but I do not even want to be!
I am just as an idiot as the ones who are paying the medical aids money in order to receive peace of mind, but also have medical cover. Meanwhile they must pay in when they go to the doctor still, although they are paying the medical aid a certain amount of money each month. Why pay the doctor if you pay the medical aid each month to pay the doctor anyway? But we all do. We only think we are covered but meanwhile we do not see! We do not see what an idiot we are. But I am even more of an idiot, as I pay to be here, where I do not want to be, and then I still have guilt feelings because I feel I do not pay enough and hard enough to be here where I do not even want to be!
Renee
22/12/2008 9:10AM
This is the END of JOHN25.
KIND REGARDS
04/01/2009 1:15PM or a 25 for JOHN25 as 1 + 1 = 2.
horus414 
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